Death is unexpected and inevitable, especially for a life that ended too young, leaving behind unfulfilled dreams and aspirations, making it even more painful for friends and family. Managing grief becomes especially even more important. In an interview with HT, Dr Rajeev Mehta, vice president of psychiatry at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, spoke about grief management.
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understanding grief
Overcoming grief is complicated and can feel overwhelming. Dr. Rajeev Mehta explains the 5 stages of grief. He elaborated, “Grief is divided into 5 stages namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Denial means the person denies the loss and believes it is a lie. Anger is a reaction to guilt or blaming the deceased for not taking proper care of the person who died. Bargaining means doing or sacrificing something to get the deceased back. Depressive feelings occur and eventually the person accepts reality in order to move forward. These stages may vary from person to person or may overlap.
Grief is a deeply personal experience that varies from person to person. Dr Mehta said, “The intensity of grief also depends on the manner of loss, the age of the deceased and the grieving person, the degree of attachment with the lost person and the support system available. In the case of the sudden death of a young relative or friend, grief can be severe and there are many difficulties in coming to terms with the shocking reality. Violent denial, clinical anxiety depression, and attempts at self-harm are more likely. The grieving process may take longer to heal or at times, the emptiness is felt throughout life, especially near festivals and anniversaries.”
how to cope
Dealing with grief, especially in the case of a shocking, sudden young death, requires time. Dr. Mehta outlined steps to deal with this difficult experience.
1. Accept your feelings. Humans cannot be robotic; There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry after a loss. Accepting your feelings as a natural human reaction speeds up the process of normalization.
2. Crying is necessary in the first few days. It is important to go down memory lane, talk and share about the nature of the relationship with the lost person is an important part of grief stabilization. It is natural to feel happy and rejoicing over past memories associated with the deceased.
3. It is important to realize that the deceased was part of life but there are other essential things in life too. So to deal with grief, it is important to maintain regular responsibilities and take care of your own health. Even if one does not want to, one should try to maintain proper diet, sleep and self-hygiene. Additionally, helping other connected people grieve helps in getting over the grief faster.
If however, the grief is troubling or increasing in intensity, it may be best to meet with a mental health professional.
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